Hello darling readers, I just wanted to check in and let you know I’m calling a mulligan on this entire week. We will get back to our regularly scheduled programming on Monday.
Until then, here’s a few actual things I’ve said this past week that will give you a sense of how I’ve been spending this unplanned “vacation” time.
Is that poop on my carpet…? (sniff) Well it sure ain’t raisinettes.
How many times do I have to wash this before the smell comes out?
I wonder if his night kicking is occluding my kidney or my spleen right now?
Do you think it’s croup? Is diarrhea a symptom of croup?
How many times can a pre-schooler cough in your eye before you get sick?
Is there any ginger tea left?
I’m taking an allergy pill. This tickle in my throat is definitely allergies. I refuse to get sick.
I’m not arguing with you about the diaper. You are wearing it if I have to duct tape it to your legs, do you understand?
I need a washcloth. Where the hell is a washcloth? No, no, I need a washcloth with warm water on it.
No, there is no juice. There is never any juice. Stop asking for juice.
Just hold on, I’ll get the cleaning spray.
How long has it been since I’ve published a blog post? What day is it? Wait, what month is it?
I think we are out of sheets. Screw it, I’ll just lay out some towels.
Dried cherries? Are you freaking kidding me? Absolutely not, that’s the last thing you need.
Don’t touch anything! Don’t wiggle! Just let me get you into the shower without any chunks falling off.
How can you possibly be this sick and still want food?
How can you possibly be this sick and not want to take a nap?
Oh goodie, a poop path! It’s like Dorothy in the Land of Crap.
Wow that’s a lot of unread emails. Yeah, I can’t deal with those right now.
When’s the last time I watered those tomatoes that are still in pots in my driveway?
I’ll get the mop.
What tiger? No, I have no idea where your tiger is.
Sure, we can watch rainbow cake how to videos on YouTube for seven hours at a time. Here, snuggle with mommy.
Yeah…this calls for bleach.
Stop kicking mommy!
Are you feeling better sweetie?
Maybe I should just throw this rug away.1