You ripped up your front lawn to plant kale and a heritage quince tree. You adopted as many chickens as your town will allow. You make your own bread, jam, cheese, pickles, yogurt and beer. Worms eat your garbage
What you’re doing is ecological, economical and profoundly personally rewarding. You are living the dream, and doing it all within bike commute distance of an urban hub. Congratulations, you’re an urban homesteader! And you just want to share everything you’re learning with everyone else. If all those friends still buying their eggs at the store just knew how much better really fresh eggs were, you are sure they’d want chickens too!
STOP!
You are at risk of becoming an Urban Homesteader Asshole.
It is an easy trap to fall into, and it comes from a good place: an urgent desire to share all the great changes in your life with the people you care about. But before you make an unsolicited offer to help your apartment-dwelling friend build a chicken coop, step back, take a deep breath and remember those people.
Remember the guy in college who would only listen to Polish post-Industrial Pop, because German post-Industrial was total mainstream swill? Remember the vegan who asked how it felt to be eating rotting flesh just as you were about to bite into your burger? Remember the young professional who gave you that withering look in the waiting room while you were reading People, then pulled out her own copy of The Economist?
We really don’t want our Urban Homesteading to turn into that. No one likes it when people imply that their way of life is oh-so-much-better than everyone else’s.
See, the thing is, Urban Homesteading is hip. It’s getting press. People are taking those first steps to turn their home into a place of more productivity and less consumption. And that is wonderful. People see their normal, not-too-crunchy-granola neighbors growing more veggies and maybe putting in a fruit tree and they think, “Hey, if the Smith’s can grow a dwarf pear tree, I can grow a dwarf pear tree.” When they have one success under their belt, maybe they try something else. Maybe more vegetables. Maybe chickens. Maybe homemade jam. Maybe micro-hydro power.
But as more self-sufficient urban living becomes more mainstream, there is also a backlash. Articles like, “I am a Radical Homemaker failure” poke fun at the idea that people would voluntarily live with less money or do more domestic work in trade for more self-directed time. The author, Madeline Holler, bemoans her “thin and sour” homemade yogurt and lack of Crate and Barrel furniture, and equates “rendering fat and lacto-fermenting cucumbers” to shoveling rocks for Satan.
It is easy to read Ms. Holler’s assessment of lacto-fermented pickles (possibly the easiest preservation technique around, by the way) and want to shout from the roof-top: “Don’t listen to her! It’s worth it! I can show you why you will love my way better!”
But people who may be thinking about taking that first tentative step do not want to be told that your tangy homemade yogurt topped with a dollop of homemade wild blackberry jam kicks the ass of their Yoplait Light Boston Creme Pie Flavored yogurt. Even though it does. They laugh with Ms. Holler and at people crazy enough to take a little of their food production into their own hands. For these people, Urban Homesteading just seems weird.
And yet, and yet…just maybe they’ll stick a pot of basil on the porch this summer instead of a geranium. And if they do, we cannot jump all over them to grow strawberries and tomatoes and cucumbers and kholrabi and hardy kiwi and goji berry too. If, in our eagerness to share the next step we diminish the triumph of the first step, we run the risk of alienating people who might otherwise come on board.
We run the risk of portraying Urban Homesteading as an all-or-nothing commitment, when in reality it is exactly and only what one makes of it. If we’d like to see a nation of farmers
So get out there in your front yard and grow those berries and that chard. Send the kids out to gather those eggs. Walk the walk, but be soft with the talk. Show your neighbors that Urban Homesteading isn’t just for hippies. If you are experienced in a certain area, mentor those who truly want it. They’ll find you. Be proud of what you are doing, but be gracious with those who are doing less or who aren’t in the same place in life. Focus on your community and your neighborhood. Be welcoming but don’t scare people off. Let people find their own first step.
Don’t be an Urban Homesteader Asshole.
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hmm i lost my comment.. anyways.. once again.. great read, and not to diss anyone.. i thought it was appropriate 😀 and very tongue in cheek with a hint of absolutely correct… since i've had the 'you should be doing this and this' blah blah in my ear…
Anonymous commenter indeed, lol! Looks like you received the first shot across the bow Erica, WELL DONE!!! I applaud you! You hit a nerve in a most eloquent way, bravo, and if "anon" thinks that their list of accomplishments on 1/10 of an acre trumps what you've said here then they're crazier than formerly thought, lol! Blog on girl!
Erica, what you've pointed out so well is that the manner in which one does something is just as important as what one does. Ethics is about the congruence between the two AND the intention of doing good in the world by both.
Urban Homesteading is not a competition, it's an evolving way of life. The leadership of this movement is not concentrated in the hands of a few, it's a collective leadership, and has been so ever since the first seed was planted by our ancestors. Each of us has something to offer, and each has something to learn. I love the Open Source nature of it all!
Rebecca, beautifully said. Thank you.
Great article. Im guilty of being an urban homesteading asshole, but only with my wife. Poor thing doesnt want anything to do with it! (Im gardened up anyway, were cool.)
Thank you all for your support (and laughter, which, let's be honest, is what that comments deserves.) Continuing proof that this is a great community. The assholes are sometimes loud, but they are few.
I love you. This is brilliant.
I posted a comment on this last week, but it seems to have disappeared. Anywho, fantastic post! I think what people forget is that we are all on the SAME TEAM. We don't need to jockey for the urban homestead throne. We all have unique living situations and we do the best that we can within those confines. we should be patting each other on the back for all the cool stuff we've done rather than stepping on heads to get to the top. such silliness.
I loved this post like all the others before me! Where I come from, this is kind of urban behavior is called being a normal Italian/Italian-American. The labels of lifestyle marketing is so irritating to me.
I linked to this post from another blog and I will add what I added there. If you really want to make a difference and involve others, try fostering at-need and at-risk kids in your home and teach them how to garden. Be an activist in a community where your energy and effort actually could make a difference and please quit trying to preach to your choir.
I live in rural Iowa (small town of 1000)–the UNenlightened, Steve King side of the state, unfortunately–and am surrounded by golf course lawns, "I heart Monsanto" signs, and people who consider it a badge of honor to have moved UP to never having to deal with chickens, gardens, rain barrels, and all those nasty, degrading things that their grandparents had, ever again. Therefore, I'm not only frequently in danger of UH Assholiness, I've got to be on constant alert for Messiah Tendencies. Thank you for your timely reminder. I've shared it with all my long-suffering Facebook friends. 😉
this is going down in the life book as a classic post. thanks!
I saw this from the TBUH facebook page. So well said, (and definitely needed to be said!)
Great post! I have to show this to my thai chi yoga master, super vegetarian, always the best in everything ecological aunt…
kisses from Uruguay!
Carola
I just want to jump up and down yelling, yes, yes, yes! You get it! And you've said it very well. Thanks for the reminder and for leading by example.
love this post, and very much hope to take these words of yours to heart: "Walk the walk, but be soft with the talk."
I think anonymous read Urban Homesteading Asshole, made an assumption, and didn't actually read what you said. Interesting. Guilty conscience?
Wonderful post! I need a reminder every so often that the small steps can seem huge to someone unfamiliar with the path to growing even a small amount of food. That things like making fridge pickles can seem too much bother because they don't know how easy it is and I shouldn't give them a lecture on why MY pickles are better than store bought because there are NO chemical preservatives, etc…I should simply offer to help them make a first batch.
And as for THE anonymous poster so full of herself and so obviously full of contempt for the rest of us – shame on you. You have perfectly proven Erica's point!!
Ha ha you said asshole! 🙂
Fantastic piece and so true! I definitely have friends who think I'm a nutter for wanting to garden, preserve and enjoy home crafts. But I think they're still my friends because I don't force-feed them my passions. Have you ever seen the British television programme The Good Life? It's from the 70s and is about a suburban couple going self-sufficient in their existing home. Absolutely brilliant and it shows their friendship and regular confrontations with their not-so-earthy neighbours. I'd definitely recommend it 🙂
well said.
This is possibly the best post I've read in a while. I find myself pushing every now and then and remember to take a step back.
Thank you!
-Mary
yeah, but sometimes I just get so sick of the ignorance, I just be an asshole on purpose and tell people about how we spent Saturday morning slaughtering chickens. I just can't talk to "normal" people anymore about what I watched on TV last night or whatever other inane interest they have, I've got so much else going on, just lucky that lots of people in blogland know what I'm talking about!
Love. In conversation my favorite way to conclude the homesteading list of activities is, “We enjoy it.” We wouldn’t be doing what we’re doing if we didn’t like it. But we didn’t like it till we tried it. If someone’s interest is piqued and they try something new, AND THEY LIKE IT, well, that’s great! There’s only one person who gets pissy when I share what we’ve been up to, so when we talk I make a point to ask her lots of questions about what’s going on in her life. She can’t relate to me (at least to a very big part of our lives), so I do my best to relate to her.
Farmer liz – isn't that how everybody spends saturday morning? 😉 Yay for virtual community!
ah, and now I read the dervaes post, which I wasn't previously aware of (being in Aus, it wasn't a big deal here), I see you mean don't be an asshole to other homesteaders, and in that case I'm only an asshole to annoying ignorant people who eat CAFO chicken and junk food and have no idea what I'm talking about. With other homesteaders I love to talk about what they are doing, what successes and challenges they have experienced and what seeds we can swap. Like you say, this is what you make of it, and we all have different priorities, and we all having something we can teach others. Thank goodness for our permaculture group or I'd have nobody to talk to though!
Oh my gosh, Erica you are the blogger I have been searching for. THANK YOU! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Oh, I thought you were talking about the Dervaes’ awful behavior toward other Urban Homestead businesses and writers. Because that is where you got this picture, right?
This post was written before the Dervaes trademark issue, when my blog was about a month old. The post is in no way based on or directed at the Dervaes. It was originally published without a photo at all. When Eatocracy.cnn.com linked to this post, my stats on it went through the roof. Later, as I developed and grew my blog, I added a “popular posts” sidebar widget and this post was at the top. I added a photo to the post so it would have a thumbnail in the widget, like the other “top posts” displayed. 🙂 You are welcome to interpret the choice of photo (added after the trademark attempt) however you wish. 🙂
I don’t want to alarm you, and I know I’m late with this (a friend linked this post on her Facebook just today), but the above link about Devraes routed me over to a site filled with alarmist Malware pop-ups. I don’t think I was infected, but we shall see. I don’t know if there’s a way of disabling links, but that might be a good idea. I loved the post, though!
I would assume that includes not being a homesteader a-hole to your spouse as well? ;o) My husband puts up with my vermicomposting business, tolerates our 4 hens for their sheer entertainment value, gets a little green around the gills when I talk about butchering…well, anything, flat-out refuses to raise meat rabbits, and can’t see how it’s worthwhile to have an aquaponics setup. Thankfully, he’s become okay with the backyard garden, but isn’t too keen on edibly landscaping the front. But I’ll wear him down…oh, yes…I’ll wear him down.
Very well put through and through. Thank you!
Don’t YOU become what you are warning others about .
As previously stated, this post was written and published before the Dervaes’ trademark scandal. It was not inspired by, targeted at, or commentary about that particular scandal. I have other posts that are about that issue and you are welcome to read them. I suspect we will have to agree to respectfully disagree in our interpretation regarding the Dervaes’ actions.
” If we’d like to see a nation of farmers, it will happen by normal people making tiny changes in their normal life, not by everyone simultaneously quitting their job to grow heirloom shelling beans.” Classic. I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to read posts like this. I grew up in a small town with what I like to call a ‘hippie-logger’ father who was super conservative and planned cut-blocks for a living, but had us learning about all the creatures of the the forest, which wild plants were edible, and why grocery-store meat was, as he liked to call it, ‘poison’. Then, in the late 1980s, I became ‘that person’, obsessed with the dire state of the world and downright angry at everyone who wasn’t reducing their fuel use or using a reuseable bag at the grocery store. It’s the curse of the ‘newbie’. I’ve since developed a much less judgemental, and much more inclusive, world view… 😉 In our ‘homesteading’ journey, I’ve been humbled in a big way, and now see that any step taken in the direction of living more lightly on the planet is something to be celebrated. Thanks so much for this post! Love your writing.
Great post and great writing. Very true
Love this..
Thanks for writing this Erica. Now having 4 years of experience with this lifestyle its safe to say I could write a blog, but its exactly as you’ve expressed, its not for everyone and everyone is not interested. That is ok…To be honest You do it very very Well, and i’d feel somewhat of a parrot anyway at this point LOL . In the small circle of people who know us, there is truly only a very few who are earnestly interested. It just wigs people out that I would want to ” rott my veggies” make compost or produce my own meat. I am very thankful for what I’ve learned and been able to accomplish. I will also happily share with anyone who wants to see how we do things, but a soap box to stand on, I found very ineffectually during most of these last years. Maybe sometime down the road a book could be written on the mishaps and delightful successes but for now gaining experience is the order of the day. Its done so as to be available when some one knocks on the door and wants to participate of their own inclinations.
Keep on keeping on.
Anyone with that much animosity either has a guilty conscience or “produce envy”.
History proves that it’s the “self reliant” individuals who are the most valuable to society. My parents grew up during the depression and always had enough to eat because their families grew gardens. During WWII, Victory Gardens were everywhere, not just in rural areas. This is our heritage. I can’t imagine not being proud of that!
First time I saw this. You are wise beyond your years. The world is fortunate to have you.
Yes! I loved this post. I laughed when I recognized myself and others!
When I met first met my local people who are full homesteaders I was very turned-off by the hippie vibe. I’m not hippie, and yet we make beer, wine, pickled beets, canned salsa and numerous jams. We are adding two new things this year: growing garlic and grow hops. It’s okay to do a little at a time. And we all don’t need to grow heirloom beans full-time. hahah!!
Funny stuff! I’m actually looking to start up my own garden in the next year so thanks for the warning. 😛 I can attest that the article is mostly true… Another good article would be about where to start! I have no idea! I want to dive on in, but am afraid of doing too much too soon. Especially with a toddler and working 35 hours a week… I have the land (my stepfather’s property which is approx 10 acres) and I’m tired of it being vacant… I have limited income… Help?
Two books come to mind that might get you on your way. Toby Hemmenway’s Gaia’s Garden, its an easy to ready introduction to home scale Permaculture Design. It will teach a lot of basic that are sustainable. The second was written by Robin wheeler. Gardening for the Faint of Heart. It will ease you in to a lot of doable things. It’s gear to the home scale gardening Newbee. Lots of great info on Erica’s site of course but you an also check out Permies.com . It you inted to develop the 10 acres as a larger scale project its a terrific resourse. Last but not least I would encourage you to take a look at Geoff Lawton’s new website. It has 3 nifty free videos on what Permaculture Design can do with Great examples of both Rural and Urban properties.
Sorry for the Typo’s above. Though his site seems to be directing to an online course that they just made available this past weekend here are the links for the videos, so keep checking;
Surviving the Coming Crisis
http://www.geofflawton.net/crisis/?
Property Purchase Checklist
http://www.geofflawton.net/property/?
5 acres “Abundance on a Budget”
http://www.geofflawton.net/5acres/?
Urban Permaculture : The Micro Space
http://www.geofflawton.net/urban/?
Thanks so much for all the info! I would like to eventually develop it all, it may take some time, a few years. There aren’t too many ‘Homesteaders’ here, tho there are some, and in all reality i’m just tired of tastless tomatoes and other produce that should have more FLAVOR! Plus being a young mom i’ve become increasingly concerned with the lack of nutrition availible to children… Thanks so much for all your help!
You are most welcome. Wishing you success in your endeavours.
This is my first visit to your blog, and I have to say I just love this post! It makes all of the little actions seem worth while. I truly believe that living by example speaks louder than preaching. Thank you!
High Five! And thanks for the gentle reminder that not everyone is as into it as I am, and that’s okay.
One way to not be an Urban Homesteader Asshole is to become familiar with the origins of the term Homesteading and ask yourself if you really want to use that term. The term “Homesteader” has a Very Specific History. You might as well call yourself “Urban Manifest Destiny Supporter” or “Urban Supporter of the policy to deprive indigenous of access to the land by killing them off”.
There’s nothing wrong with being an Urban Farmer.
Such a good point. Thank you for making it. And really, why label at all? Seems like sometimes it can be freeing just to describe what one does (when asked) instead of what one does.
oops. That last word in my reply should be “is,” not “does.”
Well said. It’s so easy to fall into the holier-than-thou mode. I do it all the time. Humility and humor about oneself are the antidote.
Geraniums have plenty of herbal and medicinal uses, and they keep mosquitos away. 😉
I was giggling through the whole thing because, well, it is true! While we feel those inner harps playing and our chest fill with pride, we can not run around like crazy people, shouting at the top of our lungs. Baby steps…. always baby steps…. because once someone takes that first step and is filled with that joy of “doing it” (what ever it may be) it lights a small flame of “what if” or “I wonder if I can.” And then they are on to the next step and before long, they too will need to be reminded to not run around like a crazy person!!
Homesteading means different things to different people….. Some people can and want to do more then others. That does not mean anyone is “better” or more of a homesteader…. it just means on lifes journey, we are all, in our own way, figuring out what matters to us. And just because when I run out of eggs I can run out back to the coop instead of the store, doesn’t mean it is for everyone. I feel sorry for them that they will never know the joy of a truely fresh egg but that is their right. LOL
So glad someone shared this with me….. I promise I will not be one of THOSE homesteading assholes! LOL I will show the way by example but never by preaching. By the way, I am now following you on bloglovin *wink* I truely enjoy another smart ass homesteader!